Lili

I’m pretty much packed but I have a few hours left at home. I don’t know how productive I can still be. You know that period between appointments where you can’t really concentrate? Add to the fact that I’m feeling quite weak even though I had lunch. Okay fine, I’ll say it: I’m nervous.

It’s been exactly a month since I left my first job. Now I’m on to my second, and it’s the ultimate intersection of my skill and desire: to do finance for an NGO based in Bali focused on promoting bamboo agro-forestry. The catch? I’m flying solo. I’m doing everything I did in my first job, except it’s just me now working with the company to create the investment package. No Wall Street boss to watch over my work, just consultants I can work with to deliver a model and presentation. It’s the perfect opportunity to apply everything I know, and that’s what makes it so scary.

Don’t get me wrong, I have faith in knowing I’m qualified to do this. I just want so badly to succeed. I guess this is how it feels when you’re in your dream job: the stakes are so much higher. I have the opportunity to make a social and environmental impact, and I can’t let myself screw up. Add to the fact that I’ve been working remotely from the Philippines and it will be the first time I’m meeting my colleagues in person, you get a girl like me swimming in uncertainty.

I just feel the need to prove myself. I hope they like and trust me. I hope I can overcome language barriers to understand the company and communicate to investors our advocacy. I hope I ask all the right questions and capture all the financial implications of the stages involved in the program we are implementing. Aaaaand I hope I don’t get the coronavirus in the process haha *knocks on wood*.

Kidding aside, I feel really lucky to have landed this opportunity and I think it’s going to be a real adventure. I’m diving headfirst into the unknown on my own, and I’ll be back after a month, which is the longest time I’ll be away from home. I’m just a bit slighted but definitely excited. Here’s to personal growth and a potentially life changing career path! Pray for my soul!